Saturday, December 29, 2012

Are We There Yet? --- Day 358

Walk: Mindful Body, Trader Joe's/Laurel Village
Distance: 3 miles

There are about 8 days left until I complete my commitment to making a daily post to CIWT, and I am starting to notice a quiet, subtle voice.  It says, "Only 8 more days.  Well, really you've essentially done it already" or "8 more days and your eyes are really dry. That computer might not be good for you."  There are other arguments, but they all lead to the same place: "Don't finish."  "Don't actually write every day for a year."

I've come to enjoy the CIWT writing (mostly) and I really am only 8 days away, so why would part of me be vested in not completing the job/failing actually?  Very strange; wonder when else the voice has shown up without my noticing it.

Well, maybe it's also involved in what for several years I've called my "Tar Baby Syndrome."
This is where I get stuck in something I'm doing, have no interest in continuing but just can't allow myself to quit.  For instance, I'll take a part time job for one reason or another and then not let myself quit it.  I'm clear entering that I'm doing it for some limited reason but, once begun, some guilt trip says essentially "What makes you think you can just not do that?  It's possible to keep that job and add another one. And, when you have those two, you can add a third..."  Just a giant, mushrooming multi-task spurred on by guilt and some sense of having to do "it all." 

When I was copying the graphic below, I saw that it is attached to an article by a time management coach about "Fear of Finishing." Maybe I'll do a little research on that...


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