Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Day 362 Thoughts --- Day 362

Walk: Mindful Body
Distance: 14 blocks, take yoga class, acupuncture session, chiropractic

I believe this is day 362 of my one year commitment to post something to CIWT every day.  What to do at the end of the year is on my mind a lot.

Definitely write, continue.  I will do that no matter what.  And I believe I'll make a hard copy off the internet of CIWT, Year One.

The questions surround 1. writing a one year summary essay; 2. whether to make another commitment to a daily post: 3. what my numbering system will be.  (ie, Day 366, 367 or Day 2-1, 2-2...).

The essay seems a daunting undertaking, but the one year has been very meaningful and maybe I owe it to CIWT to acknowledge the changes it has brought.  And, as for #2, I feel daily posts contribute to the strength of the project and keep me more focused.  So I have a feeling I will do #'s 1 and  2, but the answer to #3, the numbering, is more elusive.

What I may not get around to including in the possible one year essay is how remarkable it feels to take seriously, actually express/reveal the things that really do occupy me.  There have been elections, shootings, destructive storms - a whole year of 'news.'  And certainly I'm pulled around about these things, have curiosities, thoughts, opinions, emotions about them.  But a 'true' part of me is usually addressing the types of things that show up in CIWT.  And so one Huge gift of CIWT has been 'owning' 'me.'  Even as I might wish I had some more Fabulous thing on my mind and actually in print, even as I am judgmental about my 'shallowness, whatever,' I can look at that, acknowledge it and then go ahead and make the entry anyway. 

This is big.  And doing it for almost a year is cumulatively Huge in its self-revelatory power and personal acceptance and growth.  Much of the journey, the growth/acceptance/awareness, is identical to yoga.  Let's take Triangle Pose (technically, Extended Triangle Pose or Utthita Trikonasana).  Maybe in the last 40+ years of having yoga in my life and certainly the last 10 years of teaching, I have done at least 5,000 Trikonasanas. 

For those of you who don't do yoga, what yogis do in triangle is spread their legs at least a leg length apart, open their arms shoulder height, hinge forward at the hip, bring the top arm to the sky and the bottom arm down, maybe twist from about the waist and maybe turn the neck and look up at the top hand.  That's it.  Remarkably trivial - on top of which there is really no reason/goal aside from consciously doing the pose.  Just consistently showing up and staying present to yourself as your whole self as much as possible merges with the pose, that's all you do.  Some days the pose looks, feels good - other days not at all.  It is all the same - you are just observing, attending to and owning whatever shows up. 

And over time your being/something in you changes - of its own accord.  You can't make anything come of Triangle. You can't make it change you or know if it will.  All you can do is show up and address the shape of triangle by staying present and breathing into whatever your being makes of the pose in this practice.

And my CIWT has been like this.  I sit down, I write, that's the commitment.  The more artifice I consider, the more it feels wrong, not like CIWT.  When I have something to say, I say it plain. When I have 'nothing' to say, like Seinfeld, I've learned to say 'nothing.'  Somehow all this in and of itself has been releasing toward me, toward myself.

And, however numbered, I can't imagine harnessing or stopping this opening energy.


Utthita Trikonasana




And here's one of my main mentor/teachers, Jason Crandell, doing Utthita Trikonasana with a block.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Did you sayTuesday? --- Day 361

Walk: Union Street via Broadway
Distance: 3 miles

Tuesday is a strange day for New Year's - too much to do; too much like a regular week day but lunches, workshops, visits with visitors wedged in.  Long way of saying time got away from ciwt today.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Yonder Year --- Day 360

Walk: No

Often I forget to remember we never know what the new year will bring.  But sometimes this unknown is particularly (and may I add for any politicians reading ciwt - unnecessarily) pronounced. So I wish us courage, hope, patience, wisdom, resourcefulness, creativity, and luck along with good old Happiness!* as we enter 2013. In the (slightly modified) words of The Grateful Dead, we will get by, we will survive and we will take our individual and collective journeys FURTUR. 







* Here is the online Thesaurus on Happiness:

happy [hap-ee] Show IPA
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: in high spirits; satisfied
Synonyms: blessed**, blest, blissful, blithe, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, chirpy, content, contented, convivial, delighted, ecstatic, elated, exultant, flying high, gay, glad, gleeful, gratified, intoxicated***, jolly, joyful, joyous, jubilant, laughing**, light, lively, looking good**, merry, mirthful, on cloud nine, overjoyed, peaceful, peppy, perky, playful, pleasant, pleased, sparkling, sunny, thrilled, tickled, tickled pink, up, upbeat, walking on air
Antonyms: depressed, discouraged, dissatisfied, miserable, morose, pained, sad, sorrowful, unhappy

**These are the synonyms that call to me at first glance.
***Good to have this on the list just in case.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Wolfe is still right, but.... --- Day 359

My one year commitment to CIWT is rapidly approaching an end. During that time I've looked back at my grandparents' Lake House and Town House, and photographically, my school and the club. Now (if it sticks), though it makes me uneasy, I feel I need to include our last house as a family - Mom, Dad, me and my three brothers - some time in this CIWT year. So, here it is: Several Bedrooms and Baths, Dock, Boathouse, Tennis Court. Beautiful, Light, Airy in and out. Built by a lumber 'tycoon' in 1917 with some extraordinary wood paneling. It was naturally weathered shingle when we owned it which I prefer to this too grand white. But it doesn't matter much what I prefer because this lovely house on gracious grounds was a casualty of the New Tycoon wealth. Two or three years ago it was bought at full price, demolished. Maybe it saddened the new owners to do this. And I'm sure remodeling would have been extensive and expensive. But, I doubt they appreciated the quality of the house and its site on the rolling grounds because they 'replaced' it with a huge brown hulk that looms over virtually the entire property almost to the boathouse - which I'm sure is gone.

(Re: T. Wolfe Redux...)  You Can't go home again, but writing and looking brings me closer than I've been for a Long time to the fact of this house and the things it touches in me. Also to the unreal and complex fact that, for better or worse, it really doesn't exist any more. One of the first things that comes to mind is that there was always something unreal to me about us living here.  Also this is not the house I lived in with Zipper*, and, therefore, not the one that really feels like home to me. So, I realize while I'm truly sorry the property wasn't more carefully respected architecturally in the rebuilding, I am not as sad as I've supposed myself to be that the house is gone.

Hmmmm....a little less tar baby ('in joke' for cool ciwt readers)
                             









*See Day 1 for Zipper

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Are We There Yet? --- Day 358

Walk: Mindful Body, Trader Joe's/Laurel Village
Distance: 3 miles

There are about 8 days left until I complete my commitment to making a daily post to CIWT, and I am starting to notice a quiet, subtle voice.  It says, "Only 8 more days.  Well, really you've essentially done it already" or "8 more days and your eyes are really dry. That computer might not be good for you."  There are other arguments, but they all lead to the same place: "Don't finish."  "Don't actually write every day for a year."

I've come to enjoy the CIWT writing (mostly) and I really am only 8 days away, so why would part of me be vested in not completing the job/failing actually?  Very strange; wonder when else the voice has shown up without my noticing it.

Well, maybe it's also involved in what for several years I've called my "Tar Baby Syndrome."
This is where I get stuck in something I'm doing, have no interest in continuing but just can't allow myself to quit.  For instance, I'll take a part time job for one reason or another and then not let myself quit it.  I'm clear entering that I'm doing it for some limited reason but, once begun, some guilt trip says essentially "What makes you think you can just not do that?  It's possible to keep that job and add another one. And, when you have those two, you can add a third..."  Just a giant, mushrooming multi-task spurred on by guilt and some sense of having to do "it all." 

When I was copying the graphic below, I saw that it is attached to an article by a time management coach about "Fear of Finishing." Maybe I'll do a little research on that...


Friday, December 28, 2012

Let Me Tell You About Picasso --- Day 357

Walk: Mindful Body (2), Union Square
Distance: 2 miles and teach 2 yoga classes

In college I did my senior art history thesis on a comparison between Picasso's Guernica and Hemingway's For Whom The Bell Tolls as statements about the Spanish Civil War.  It was a rich topic and I had particular fun "decoding" Picasso's symbols in Guernica -  as have scholars and writers since the painting was unveiled in 1937.  To date there has been no agreement about the meaning of Guernica's symbols and interpretations have been widely various and contradictory.  Despite the enormous interest the painting generated in his lifetime, Picasso obstinately refused to explain Guernica's imagery. Guernica has been the subject of more books than any other work in modern art and it is often described as..."the most important work of art of the twentieth century," yet its meanings have to this day eluded some of the most renowned scholars. So it will never be known whether my senior thesis point of view was correct or not.  Of course, I think it was.

I'm tempted now to "decode" Boy Leading A Horse (1906) another famous Picasso painting which also has confounded scholars and led to widely diverse interpretations.  The painting has an interesting and at times controversial history of ownership/provenance having once been owned by Leo and Gertrude Stein and ending at New York's MoMA as one of the two most important and valuable paintings of the Paley Collection donation.  (The other is Cezanne's L'Estaque*).  I have many thoughts about the horse, and the fact that the boy does not actually have reins in his hand - all of which are right of course.  And I am absolutely correct in 'knowing' the boy to be Picasso himself. 


Pablo Picasso, Guernica (1937), Oil on Canvas, 11' x 26.5' (Museo Reina Sofía in Madrid)

Pablo Picasso, “Boy Leading a Horse” (Paris, 1905–1906), Oil on canvas, 86 7/8 in. x 51 5/8 inches, The William S. Paley Collection, courtesy of MoMA.

Pablo Picasso, “Boy Leading a Horse” (Paris, 1905–1906), Oil on canvas, 86 7/8 in. x 51 5/8 inches, The William S. Paley Collection, courtesy of MoMA.

*See Day 314 Post on L'Estaque

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Thomas Wolfe Redux --- Day 356


Walk: Trader Joe's, coffee house
Distance: 2.5 miles


You Can't Go Home Again.  Yet anyway.....

(Yes, for those of you who caught it, this is not the original post.  Our Last House - is under revision, waiting for its time, if ever.  I 'blythely' posted that first essay on the last house my 'family of origin' and I lived in together along with pictures.  Then I became more and more uncomfortable about --not quite sure --.  Basically I just wasn't ready to go that close to home again I guess ).

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The Town House --- Day 355

Walk: Mindful Body, Laurel Village
Distance: 1 mile and teach 2 yoga classes

This time of year puts me in mind of the Town House, my grandparents' house in the city.  We always went there at Christmas - the whole family.  We had drinks (another story) and ate dinner (lunch) upstairs.  My favorite was always the peppermint ice cream at the end in the shape of Santas and Christmas trees. 

Then after the meal the door was opened to the downstairs ballroom and the 'special present' was exposed.  My grandfather was a gadget addict so the special present was some gadget he'd been attracted to that year.  One year it was remote cars we all rode around in, another year it was roller skates and the whole family skated around the ballroom.  There were pedal tractors, electronic airplanes and other 'special presents' I can't recall.  The women and even the girl cousins were only mildly entertained, but the boys always went Nuts!  Which was what my grandfather had in mind.

The Town House was a 'miniature Georgean' built in 1923 and had 8 bedrooms, 6.5 baths, and a large gracious winding staircase. The sconces were silver, the dining room had large panels of Greek gods and goddesses, and the furniture was mostly acquired on trips to Europe. The garage was freestanding, as big as a house and had stalls for 6 cars on two levels. One museum curator deemed the Town House the loveliest house in the entire city. A wealthy man who married one of my cousins stood quite struck when he was first brought to the house and finally said "Some pad!" It really was impressive in its proportions and tasteful details.

The era was still one where many events happened at home.  My parents were married at the Town House, and sadly a funeral was held there.   My grandfather loved parties, and they were pretty much continuous.  During the Prohibition/bootleg era I'm sure there were numerous ones where the "special presents" were liquid and spirited.  In my era the parties were big and always had a piano player and people standing around singing.

My grandmother died here in the 1980's, and shortly afterward the house was sold.  In the city where it stands it is rumored that the house has ghosts, and I, for one, believe it.