Thursday, October 18, 2012

Meds: Fuzzy Would Be Fabulous --- Day 286

Walk:  Just to car, errands and back
Distance: 6 blocks or so

I lot of people I know have success with meds/antidepressants.  So, recently I thought "Why not give them a try?"  And, starting Monday I took half of what is the absolute lowest dose of the current 'can't miss' med.  A few glitchy things happened - dry mouth, headache, that sort of thing.  Liveable.  Well, by Tuesday afternoon at 3:00 when I teach a regular class, I could barely teach.  I'd get to some point in the routine, and blank on what I'd done, what came next.  That happens to most teachers (often).  But what was new this Tuesday was that I, the teacher, Did Not Care. 

My mind and emotions were essentially blank.  A small voice kept trying to coach me: "Stay present, pull yourself together, Keep going.."  The teensy coach pressed on: "Make some jokes, keep this enjoyable for them," and somehow I did and got through the class (reported to be good).  But the larger zombie part of me kept saying things like "Huh?" "Do I really have to speak?"

Wednesday was even worse.  I got together with a friend and just sort of wandered around with her.  We went to a furniture showroom, and I had trouble bothering to remember names like 'chair' or 'fabric.'  You can imagine what figuring out - or caring -  what to eat for lunch was like.  Fuzzy would have been Mensa level compared to where I was.

I didn't tell anyone and can't be sure what -if anything - they thought.  Today I decided this was quite enough information, ended the 3-day experiment and already feel significantly more alive.  Guess my little ups and downs only qualify for 'Retail Therapy.' Yay!

Just reporting in in case this information would be interesting/helpful to anyone.

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